misunderstanding, zero effort
no bid for connection, silence
indifference, apathy
rejection
what are you doing?
isn't it more natural to want to get closer to each other?
unconditionally
because it's us

where do you put your soul?
what do you wrap it in?
and why can't it be here with us?
can it hear us?

mine sits internally on top of the rib cage
and extends spherically up to half a meter forward
backward, left and right
I often feel it in my throat
in that hollow where the collarbones meet
and I think it hears us
but it's silent and chatters with cold

the exhalations are visible now
but you’re not breathing
you are a glassy presence
flesh destroying flesh
without any idea of words

I will stop asking
it has no function, it lacks effect
vacuum coexistence
I will stop offering myself
it has no function, it lacks an embrace

I dream of a bird's eye
it seems so sharp as it roams
it hunts, searches, examines, analyzes
internally breaks things down into individual pieces
and the pieces into molecular structures
it can’t get enough and can’t have too much
I wish it was looking at me
I wish it pryed every last grain out of me
even when I become shy
when my fingers cover and hide the first and the last
I pull my hair into my face
and I don't know where to hide from anything
that settles here like dust
I must turn the lights off
where is your soul?
and isn't it afraid of the dark?
have we ever met?

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A little bit about the author :

Name : Zuzana

Pronouns :  they/she

Age : 20

Location : Czech Republic

I am always looking for white rabbits under stones and on pages;

 I’m secretive and solitary like overgrown gardens and searching for an infinite understanding. I started with writing short snippets in my sketch book, snippets turned into long diary entries, turned into illustrated zines of poems. About half a year ago I bought Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke in Prague and cried reading it on a train ride home. 

“Confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.”

“To walk inside yourself and meet no one for hours – that is what you must be able to attain.”

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